A curious music fan once asked the seasoned veteran saxophone player why he chose to make his career playing jazz.
The old pro lit up another cigarette and casually replied, "I don't like crowds."
Saint Peter is checking ID's at the Pearly Gates. First comes a Texan. "Tell me, what have you done in life?" says St. Peter.
The Texan says, "Well, I struck oil and became rich, but I didn't sit on my laurels. I divided all the money among my entire family in my will. Our descendants are set for about three generations." St. Peter says, "That's quite something. Come on in. Next!" The second guy in line has been listening, so he says, "I struck it big in the stock market, but I didn't selfishly just provide for my own like that Texas guy. I donated five million dollars to Save the Children." "Wonderful!" smiles Saint Peter. "Come in. Who's next?" The third guy has been listening too, but says timidly with a downcast look, "I, uh, only made five thousand dollars in my entire lifetime." "Heavens!" exclaims St. Peter. "What instrument did you play?"
A female vocalist asks her keyboard player, "I'd like to do 'My Funny Valentine' again tonight, but can you think of a way to 'jazz it up'?"
The keyboard player replies, "Sure, we can do the first chorus in G minor, then modulate to G# minor for the second chorus in 5/4 time, then modulate to A minor in 7/8 time for the bridge, then cut off the last 3 bars."
She exclaimes, "That might be too complicated to do without a rehearsal!"
The keyboard player responds, "Well, that's how you did it last night!"
The horn section of a jazz combo was on the way to a gig and were killed in a tragic car accident. When they arrived in heaven, God personally greeted them at the front gate and asked each of them who they were and what they did on earth.
The first person said, "I was a tenor sax player and I made people happy with my wonderful music."
The second person said, "I was a trombone player and I taught people the love of music."
The third person said, ""I was a trumpet player and I believe you are sitting in my chair."
Three notes walk into a bar - a G, an Eb, and a C.
The bartender looks up and says "We don't serve minors," so the Eb leaves and the other two have a fifth between them. After a few drinks, the G was out flat, and the experience was diminished. Eventually, the C sobers up, sees one of his friends missing, the other one passed out, and realizes to his horror that he's under a rest.
C was brought to trial, found guilty and convicted of contributing to the diminution of a minor and was sentenced to 10 years of DS without Coda at the Paul Williams, Neil Sedaka, Paul Anka, Wayne Newton, Bobby Vinton, Jerry Vale, Jack Carter, Milton Berle Correctional Facility.
A young saxophone player is sitting at the bar after finishing the gig. A beautiful older woman shyly approaches him and says, "Excuse me, I hate to intrude, but I just have to tell you that I saw you play tonight, and I have never been so deeply affected by music before. It's as if it had enlivened my mind and my heart. It also woke me up as a woman. Your music touched me SO deeply.... I just want to take you home with me and return the favor the best way I know how."
The saxophone player stares at her for a second and asks, "Did you catch the first set or the second?"
